tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14733404.post5513920733721285219..comments2024-01-08T05:50:04.098-05:00Comments on baxter sez: Oh, look, a feminist post!Alison Piepmeierhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17972854288403934814noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14733404.post-47648115525125417782011-07-05T19:48:04.843-05:002011-07-05T19:48:04.843-05:00I don't think it's just a regional thing, ...I don't think it's just a regional thing, though. I've always lived in the South and I've never had anyone (male or female) tell me to smile. Hmmm...At the risk of sounding pollyannaish, I kind of like the idea of spreading joy in the world by smiling at complete strangers. It's not so much an "I'm happy" or "I think you're hot" kind of smile as a "I'm glad we're both humans with the capacity for joy and making connections with others" kind of smile that I'm talking about though. I don't think of it as someone policing my mood because of my gender so much as wanting to be a force of kindness (if only in a small way) in a world that often isn't. <br />Okay. I understand the underlying feminist principle, here, Alison, but the more I think about this in terms of my own life--I'd rather be smiling more at people rather than less. This doesn't feel like blatant gender socialization to me though, as I sit here overanalyzing and totally personalizing...<br />DeandraAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14733404.post-57321127025031029612011-07-05T00:45:16.509-05:002011-07-05T00:45:16.509-05:00wow...this is so foreign to me. I am in California...wow...this is so foreign to me. I am in California and I can honestly say, that noone, I mean noone, have ever uttered these words to me.<br />I guess one positive thing about living in CA...Cindynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14733404.post-85624011153160863112011-07-04T10:08:07.288-05:002011-07-04T10:08:07.288-05:00I'd like to suggest a different possible persp...I'd like to suggest a different possible perspective. Is this really a case of a man attempting to encroach on your space or is it possibly the attempt at the latest annoying "come on" of the less-evolved? I suspect that I am older than the rest of the women making comments here. In fact, I suppose I would be considered a "second wave feminist" since I've been of this mindset for more than 40 years. <br /><br />One thing I've learned is that there are greater issues to be addressed (violence/abuse, money, glass ceilings) than to worry about the latest trend in pick up lines. Often, by taking the position of trying to squelch the speaker, you miss an opportunity to educate.MaryGhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08345916508161505192noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14733404.post-8557370519842103892011-07-03T12:20:20.948-05:002011-07-03T12:20:20.948-05:00I'll look forward to reading your thoughts on ...I'll look forward to reading your thoughts on Ahmed when you're able to fit it in...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14733404.post-38073973487084696302011-07-01T16:46:27.522-05:002011-07-01T16:46:27.522-05:00what did Kenneth and I do at the grocery isles, Qu...what did Kenneth and I do at the grocery isles, Quiche?Bifflehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13965722716159392121noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14733404.post-76392666993314645812011-06-30T14:31:13.109-05:002011-06-30T14:31:13.109-05:00My daughter was complaining about the same thing, ...My daughter was complaining about the same thing, particularly at work, and neither of us are the shit eating grin kind of people. <br /><br />Give them one of those Jack Nicholson, the Shining "Here's Johnny!" smiles, with hand gestures and the head movements and they'll quickly move on. <br /><br />Reminds me of the thing Walt and Kenneth used to do walking across the outside of the grocery isles...I am sure they both would have interesting suggestions for responses.Quichehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18390057086505601302noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14733404.post-89796678991920581292011-06-29T19:22:53.806-05:002011-06-29T19:22:53.806-05:00Thank you all for this great feedback! And it pop...Thank you all for this great feedback! And it popped up quickly! It's fun to see who's been lurking.<br /><br />Allisondcarr, I've ordered Sara Ahmed's book--thanks for the recommendation! And it's nice to see you again!<br /><br />I'm very amused by the range of responses. I can share with my friend the WTF face, the request for a joke, or the dagger in the throat. Or perhaps I should encourage her to respond with, "Stick your butt up in the air more." That would be confusing in a fun way.Alison Piepmeierhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17972854288403934814noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14733404.post-40078344011311324802011-06-28T22:43:16.965-05:002011-06-28T22:43:16.965-05:00OK, you guys just don't get the "dagger i...OK, you guys just don't get the "dagger in the throat" approach that stops the sexist and stupid comments made by the male fragile ego.<br /><br />Look from his chest to his face and say:<br />"I see NOTHING to smile at"... or<br />"You have something between you teeth" ... or<br />"Use at Tic Tac"<br /><br />The DadAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14733404.post-80946267479775300452011-06-28T21:41:45.986-05:002011-06-28T21:41:45.986-05:00Wow. This must really be a Southern thing because...Wow. This must really be a Southern thing because I cannot, under any circumstance save a class picture, recall anyone ever asking me to smile. That would be considered downright rude in the Midwest where your business is your own, thank you very much. Bizarre.sarahmartinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17556684777042858628noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14733404.post-15356120991787476322011-06-28T21:10:03.909-05:002011-06-28T21:10:03.909-05:00Let's see... It all depends on my mood how I r...Let's see... It all depends on my mood how I respond to intrusiveness. I can be pretty rude with an f-you response or, if I am feeling relaxed and secure I just smile and take the comment at face value - a way to connect perhaps. Catcalls however I just ignore!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14733404.post-86249499313354643642011-06-28T14:27:13.012-05:002011-06-28T14:27:13.012-05:00i like what robin said. i think i could actually r...i like what robin said. i think i could actually remember that line! i wonder what it is that makes someone think it feels good to be told to smile... it seems to me that people who do that/who think it's not annoying haven't been pushed to exhibit a specific outward emotion on the spot by others. my neutral face isn't doing anything wrong. go smile at yourself!maryhttp://www.flavors.me/marypiepmeiernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14733404.post-5854672133660775362011-06-28T11:11:48.279-05:002011-06-28T11:11:48.279-05:00In a different context, that of teaching and takin...In a different context, that of teaching and taking yoga classes, I've had women teachers encourage me to smile, and (as a teacher) I've encouraged my class to smile. Because sometimes we get so focused on maintaining the pose, we forget that we're supposed to be enjoying the yoga. Of course, I also do lots of other things that would be socially incorrect outside of that context -- 'stick your butt up in the air more' -- 'lift your rib cage' -- 'inhale.' So in the context of a yoga class, reminders to smile can be very useful to get you to loosen up. <br /><br />Outside that context, it seems unbearably rude to tell someone what kind of mood they should be in. <br /><br />At the beginning of every Fantasy Island episode, right before the planes landed and the new guests disembarked, Mr. Rourke would tell all his employees, 'Smiles, everyone! Smiles!' So my reply to a stranger would be either: "You don't look like Mr. Rourke" or "Put on a white suit and take me to Hawaii if you're going to tell me that."<br /><br />--judsonAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14733404.post-41593082013421101402011-06-28T09:06:05.356-05:002011-06-28T09:06:05.356-05:00I think you *should* tell men to smile. And I don&...I think you *should* tell men to smile. And I don't think it would be creepy. I mean, definitely no more so than a man saying it to a woman.<br /><br />I guess it could feel kind of invasive. A lot of times, I hate it when a stranger takes it upon themselves to talk to me. I didn't ask for that. But, there are a lot worse things for someone to say to you than to smile.Treyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11271769482003130969noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14733404.post-8096999136512423082011-06-28T09:02:11.268-05:002011-06-28T09:02:11.268-05:00I always get the urge to tell them something that ...I always get the urge to tell them something that will make them feel like the jerk they're being. Something like, "But my cat just died." or "But I just found out I have a horrible illness." Because seriously, they have no idea what my day is like or what's going on in my life. But truthfully, my default expression is apparently a broad smile, as more often than being told to smile, I get asked what I'm so happy about. You just can't win.erniebufflohttp://erniebufflo.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14733404.post-52596583728535415622011-06-28T08:51:43.460-05:002011-06-28T08:51:43.460-05:00What I *want* to do when men tell me to smile is s...What I *want* to do when men tell me to smile is say, "Tell me a good joke." I haven't yet remembered to do that. Sometimes I just look at them blankly and move on. More often I just smile. <br /><br />The fact that I've thought about this gives you some idea of how often it occurs.Robinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15743314801886209001noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14733404.post-58183360701486839152011-06-28T08:28:26.230-05:002011-06-28T08:28:26.230-05:00If you're the polite Southern sort, you can op...If you're the polite Southern sort, you can opt for the Miss Manner's recommended expression of shocked incredulity that they would be so bold as to speak to you. "I beg your pardon!" Or my less polite version of the WTF face and a scowl. I'm tall too & usually walk with a "don't bother me" face - a remnant of urban living - so it doesn't happen often, but the few times it did I just saw it as a weak pick up line. You could just cut to the heart of the matter and respond with, "married."krlrhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14392064691347464660noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14733404.post-9803665067193978282011-06-28T07:19:38.510-05:002011-06-28T07:19:38.510-05:00Sara Ahmed has lots and lots to say about this in ...Sara Ahmed has lots and lots to say about this in The Promise of Happiness (2010). Check out the chapter on the "Feminist Killjoy." Very smart.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com