Chocolate malt

Biffle and I are in search of Charleston's best chocolate malt. So far we've tried three and found them merely adequate.

Ye Olde Fashioned: When we first moved to Charleston we had an ice cream cone at this place because I thought it looked adorable. It turns out that the inside wasn't nearly as charming as the outside had led me to believe, and the ice cream was overpriced and gummy, so I developed a resentment against the place. For a while, anytime we drove by I felt compelled to make a disparaging comment, or at least a disparaging sound.

For some reason, the other night when we started our chocolate malt quest, I felt moved to give Ye Olde Fashioned another try. Perhaps I'd just gotten them on a bad night before. As we drove there, Biffle commented, "If you don't like it again this time, we won't even be able to drive into West Ashley ever again." I take it a little personally sometimes when restaurants aren't up to my standards.

Well, I'm happy to report that we will be able to return to West Ashley--but only because I've grown as a human being, not because the chocolate malt at Ye Olde Fashioned was good. It wasn't. It took forever for us to get our malts because our server didn't seem entirely clear on how to work the milkshake machine, and then the malts were fairly crunchy, and mine had about a tablespoon of unblended malt powder stuck to the side of the glass.

Jack's: I tried to get a chocolate malt today at Jack's, an excellent hamburger joint, but they don't do malts, and they were out of chocolate. I settled for a vanilla milkshake. It was fine, but it didn't, as Biffle's dad says, make my tongue slap my brains out. Also, I'm not really sure how a place runs out of chocolate.

Sonic: We thought tonight we'd opt for a chain. Sonic is my favorite fast food restaurant, and our server tonight was everything we could have hoped for: he glided up to us on four-wheeled roller skates, gave us a braces-laced smile, and then spun around gracefully as he left. I loved him. But the chocolate malts were just okay. They tasted a bit like they'd been made from a chocolate malt mix or something, like maybe there wasn't real ice cream in there.

Sadly, I think my favorite chocolate malt might come from the restaurant the Piepmeier siblings refer to as the Shaken Snake. Although it is a chain, they do a fine chocolate malt--indeed, I hadn't realized how good it was until now. The closest Snake is in Myrtle Beach, and I don't think I want a delicious chocolate malt badly enough to drive there.

Anybody got a lead on a great chocolate malt in Charleston?


charlie said...

As Carolyn Burnham says in American Beauty, maybe this is a case of "if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself."

Premium ice cream, malt powder, choc syrup... what harm could a little blender experimentation do?

Cassie said...


I don't have leads on Chocolate Malts in Chuckytown, but I say we make plans for an amusement park/shopping/chocolate malt quest to MB sometime soon....

Kaethe said...

No leads, sorry, but I do feel your pain. There is no finer meal than a chocolate malt and cheese fries.

Blogless Reader said...

I can't help with Charleston, but if you are ever in Catonsville, Maryland, try the Candy Box on Frederick Road.

mary said...

i know that it kind of defeats the point of trying to find the best chocolate malt in charleston but have you ever made your own? i just realized that i have made plenty of milkshakes but never a malt...hmm. maybe you can claim the title of "best chocolate malt maker."

Margaret said...

ehm, i have never liked malts, sorry. but i HAVE always LOVED sonic!! i think sonic must be a feminist haven because taylor, grace, and i went. and i know meg likes it... hmmm, let's do feminist research (at sonic. frequently.)

jaz said...

No leads, but thanks for make my tongue slap my brains out.

slittle said...

Margaret (and Alison),
I live for Sonic's cherry limeades. Deeeelicious. Especially on a hot summer day.

Can't wait till the 15th, Alison!!!