Involvement

This year's production of the Vagina Monologues is being performed on Friday, and cool things have been happening on campus all week in preparation--students have been selling t-shirts and vagina cookies, they've had film screenings and a meet and greet with the cast, and tonight there's an art and music party downtown. I'm feeling a little sad tonight as I think about how uninvolved I've been with the whole production this year. I can't make it to the art and music party because Biffle's at a gig and Maybelle is asleep, and I'm going to be lucky to make it on time to the show on Friday because of Maybelle's sleep schedule.

My first two years at this job I worked collaboratively with the two student producers of the play. They did most of the work, but I did a lot of brainstorming with them, I made an appearance at virtually every event, I helped set up and break down, and I was there for all the productions of the play, from start to finish, and afterward. Last year I was less involved, in part because exhaustion occasioned by my (at that point still secret) pregnancy, but I was still a hell of a lot more involved than I am this year.

This year I've done almost nothing. Biffle designed the poster, and I've offered a few pieces of advice here and there when asked, but that's it. The students have done an amazing job, and I realize that by my backing off, I'm giving them the opportunity to be really in charge--this is their production, through and through. I'm allowing them to develop their leadership skills, which is one of my big goals for my work with the students. I'm trusting them, and they're living up to that trust. One of my colleagues said that, for her, this was one of the unexpected benefits of having a baby: it forced her to give her students some room, and it turned out to be room that they needed. So I see that this is not necessarily a horrible thing that I haven't been involved this year.

What I'm sad about is that getting to work closely with students on projects like this is one of the things I love about my job. It's great fun to be part of their creative processes, to offer support but to let them do the real work, to be a cheerleader from the sidelines. I worry that I've let them down, but I also feel like my own job experience is somewhat impoverished.

What I keep reminding myself, though, is what everyone--my parents, my friends, even Maybelle's physical therapist--has reiterated to me: this is temporary. Infancy is incredibly temporary. By the time next year's Vagina Monologues rolls around, I'll have a bit more freedom and will be able to take part in a more direct way, if I want.