10.31.2007

About to pop

This morning i read in the paper about how a retired Air Force guy gave a talk to some other retired folks down near that consumptive shithole of a town name Kiawah. He evidently told them how we need to steady ourselves for the "long war," both protecting ourselves from terrorist acts and winning the hearts and minds of Iraqi citizens. His suggestion for a terrorist act was to shoot the side of a chlorine-filled train car. He then suggested, even though he didn't know why anyone hadn't done it yet, that it was just a matter of time 'til some terrorist did that very thing and, by gum, we've just got to do something about revamping our entire nation's train fleet to make it terrorist safe.

I also read this morning how our crooked-ass government has spent, for 2007, almost 50 billion dollars on intelligence. You know: spy stuff. Like Jason Borne.

50 billion dollars.

in one year.

Alright, i know the following is a juvenile tactic, but i'm doing it anyway.

If we really wanna win some hearts and minds, i could have suggested--rather than rebuilding our entire nation's rail-based transportation system-- we give that money to Iraqi citizens.

50,000,000,000 (spy budget) / 30,000,000 (entire Iraqi population) = $16,000 per person.

Since the average income of an Iraqi citizen is apparently around $1,000 per year, i imagine 16k would go a long way in the battle for hearts and minds.

Now....

if you just happen to be one of them train-fixin', jingoistic, rabidly upwiththatroops Amuricans down on Kiawah....well, i can hear what you're thinking already. You're probably thinking about telling me that them pesky Iraqis wouldn't take that money. They just hate america that much. Well, if that is indeed the case, that means Iraqi citizens can't be bought off like most of our country's population. If they wouldn't take the money then maybe this is a group we should consider emulating rather than immolating, you know?

Man, i can't abide this crap. We really need a revolution.

Wait! i have another stupid suggestion as to what to do with that money:

1) fly every American to Iraq
2) Have each of us pick out an Iraqi citizen (that would be a 10:1 ratio, by the way)
3) All of us would ask exactly what it is we've done that has pissed them off so badly, and then promise--if they respond reasonably--to do whatever we can to make things right. And then we hand them 16,000 dollars.

It's bound to work.

11 comments:

a. said...

stay tuned to baxter sez...the revolution will be blogged

Quiche said...

What is really disgusting is how most people will sit idly by and listen to that crap, are not alarmed in the least, and don't find anything wrong with it. Terrorism ceases to be terrorism if you're wearing a US uniform, and the folks you're victimizing are "third world", apparently. No one wants to take responsibility for anything- if something bad happens, it has to be someone else's fault, God Himself even, and neither do they want to take responsibility for creating a better reality, or being their "brother's keeper"- they'd rather it be spoon fed and dictated to them, or someone else to do the work for them, or come and save their asses Scot free, "God on our side", with someone else paying for their sins and crimes.

Peace, non-violence, the Golden Rule, "brother's keeper", would actually require doing something consciously and intently -revolutionary! They assassinate, crucify and imprison the advocates and prophets (Jesus had it right)of such ideas.

Anonymous said...

You're right, those were stupid suggestions. Calling for a revolution, even in jest (if thery were in jest), is idiotic. Why not do something pro-active, join the military, the peace corps, show some courage and spunk rather than bitch, whine, and moan.

Biffle said...

Make no mistake, mr. poopypants:

we do need a revolution.

Kenneth said...

Yeah, what did revolution ever do for this country?!?!

Margaret said...

biffle, jason bourne is hot.

Biffle said...

margaret:

here's a trivia question for you:
without looking, can you tell me what kind of shoes jason borne wears?

Anonymous said...

Inquiring minds want to know Biffle, are you a terrorist wannabee, an anarchist, or just a garden-variety blowhard revolutionary?

Since you were so enraged by the retired Air Force guy down at Kiawah, a seaside, gated community you call a “consumptive shithole,” consider what the following Air Force guy said not long ago in Charleston: “War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The man who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature who can never be free unless made and kept so by the exertions of men better than himself.” Lt. Gen. Colby M. Broadwater III

You should be ashamed of what you wrote about what you describe as a “crooked-ass government.” Your so-called suggestions suck and calling for a revolution is disgusting. Why not answer John F. Kennedy’s call, “Ask not…” you know the rest.

Mr. Poopypants

Kenneth said...

Whatever happened to deleting blog comments from cranks?

P.S. Not counting me.

Margaret said...

ahh poopypants, is this the same mr unfun who is also anti colbert?

anyway biffle... i promise i didn't look, so i'm not sure. here are my guesses: ted's - the ones where a kid gets a pair of shoes too? doc martens - shoe of the angry englishman? flip flops - shoe of charleston? obviously these are all bad guesses.

i hope there is a good answer. whatever shoes they are, i'm sure they're sexy too.

Anonymous said...

Biffle, explain if you can how French President Sarkozy can address a joint session of Congress and state what he did (you have listened to his speech have you not?)and claim America is so hated in the world on Wednesday. Sarkozy actually sounded "REAGANESQUE." You do recall, do you not, that years ago when the Bush presidency was new and Iraq was a fresh issue, the leftist liberal media and the democrat opposition to Bush told us that George Bush was making America less popular in the world. Yet thus far during his Presidency three of our traditional allies (Canada, Germany and now France) have elected leaders that displaced virulently anti-Bush and anti-American leaders with people more of Sarkozy’s temperament (Stephen Harper in Canada and Angela Merkel in Germany).

Could it be that history will be much more generous in its appraisal of George Bush's presidency than you and today's cut and run liberal elite?

And finally this observation: "America’s relations with allies have seldom been better."

Freedom is not and never has been free!!! Hating America and engaging in a revolution is not and never has been the solution.

Mr. Poopypants