A while back I mentioned the fact that I'm great at putting on the brave face.  I haven't been doing that so much here, because the news really is good, but I realized this morning that I have been giving the blog readers a perhaps overly positive sense of what life is like for me.  So, to balance things out, here is a bit of a bummer:  my relationship with food.

In the past week, for reasons that are probably temporary and apparently nothing to worry about, my appetite has tanked.  As those of you who know me are well aware of, I love food.  I don't necessarily love good food--I'm someone who can (and has!) eaten cold cereal three meals a day with much delight--but I love to eat.  Particularly breads of any kind.  Biffle and I used to go to an Italian restaurant in Nashville where, every single visit, I would eat so much bread and olive oil before the food came that I could hardly eat any of my meal. 

So it is new territory for me to be not hungry.  I'm supposed to be eating well right now.  My mom, Biffle, and Andrew Weil (whose food pyramid is on our fridge) want me to be eating lots of fruits and veggies, whole grains, soy, and flax oil.  Eliza, who'll be here tomorrow, and Biffle want me to be eating loads and loads of protein.  It's probably a good thing that friends and colleagues have stopped delivering meals, because what I find I want at this point is a way to get the fruits, veggies, flax, and meat packaged into a cold, vaguely flavorless shake which I can ingest multiple times a day.  Collard green-roast beef-soy milk smoothie!  Yum!

I'm having to eat pretty often.  If I don't have something to eat every couple of hours, my energy will disappear.  So I walk into the kitchen and just look around.  Open the fridge, open the cabinets, sigh.  And then I pick something at random and eat it very slowly.  It's a little pathetic and probably not all that fun to live with.

Last night Biffle asked if I wanted anything for dessert.  For my entire life--really--this is not a question that even needed to be asked because the answer was always yes.  But now the answer is no.

Nothing to worry about, but just wanted to share another side of life as/with a brain surgery patient.


Aaron said...

Do the intense fruit and protein shake thing. When you're trying to eat more/better than you want, a shake is the way to do it. It'll be funny to see Walter walking out of a GNC with those HUGE tubs of weigh protein!

winston dufaux said...

It doesn't matter what face you decide to protray, you are inherently brave, and strong beyond imagining! I keep you all in my thoughts and every single day I hope for the best.

Anonymous said...

Please tell us when the appetite returns, Alison. We'll bring over the good chocolate as soon as you're ready to enjoy it properly.

If you're trying to develop one of those best-selling diet books, I think you've gone way over the top with the primary research. :-)

Brian McGee

Sarah M. said...

Is there a reason for this change in appetite? Is this a normal brain surgery thing?

Abi said...

Possibly a side effect of meds? And could meds be making you sleepy as well?

Maybe you just want a whole wheat lollipop :)

The Mom said...

Alright, Abi, how did you know about that?? :-)

Anonymous said...

hugs, friend. Hugs.

Jill said...

I make protein shakes with yogurt and fruit and Costco's version of liquid anti-oxidants and protein powder. I have an immersion mixer that makes it so easy to do ... it's just a wand that you put in the class. I'm going to Costco this week ... do you want me to get anything? And ... this weekend is matzo ball soup making for Passover!

Abi said...

Kelly- that story's a classic! I've told it often over the years!